It's Time For a Change

I have been going through a lot of emotional dilemmas this week.

I have been praying about my place in the small group (Bible Study) that I joined. I just haven't really felt like I fit in and have questioned myself, and the Lord, if it is right for me. Without going in to details, I feel like I have been given several signs telling me that it is not the right fit for me. So, I am no longer attending that. It is kind of bitter sweet but I know I will find my place eventually.

I have been really down lately about my weight. I have to go to school tomorrow to do a presentation for a class that I have. I wanted to make sure I had pants that fit and sure enough, I didn't. I went to the store and got 2 different sizes to try on. Neither fit. I had to go even bigger. I saw the size that I never thought I would see on myself. So I started thinking about how this has happened. I have been wearing the same clothes for months. I realized the problem is that I never get dressed up. I have all online classes. Kyle and I never go out because Tayler is just too difficult in public settings. So, I wear lounge clothes all the time. Lounge clothes have elastic... there is a problem. Also, since I never get dressed up, I really don't look in the mirror too often... Another problem. I didn't realize what I look like.

I am so sleep deprived and stressed out from school and the kids that I guess I let myself go. I never have "me" time so I definitely don't have time to exercise nor the energy to cook. But I have now realized that I have to make time. Instead of staying up late to watch shows that we have recorded, I need to go to bed early so I can wake up before the kids and exercise. I have to make the changes in my lifestyle if I want the changes in my body to happen.

I purchased a couple of work out videos in hopes they would motivate me to start working out on my own with the exercise equipment sitting in my dining room that was purchased earlier this year. I purchased 2 Jillian Michaels videos.. a 20 minute and a 30 minute. I figured there is no reason I cannot do a 20 minute video. I need baby steps so I thought this would be the perfect motivation. I hope I'm right.

I have also been trying to compile menus so that when I am hungry, I know exactly what to eat because I have already calculated the food groups and calories.

I am doing this completely on my own, which is one reason why I think I am having such a hard time. Kyle, although he has gained a few pounds, can lose them quickly. I, on the other hand, have about 75 pounds to lose. So it is a bigger deal for me. It is definitely hard living with someone who loves junk food. It has been much harder having Kyle home the past few months. Don't get me wrong, I love the time with him, but I don't love the results of the meals we eat together. So, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers that I can find the strength within myself to take control of my life and lose the weight that I need to lose to be a healthy person.

I know it only takes 2 weeks to get over cravings, it's just that those first 2 weeks are sooo hard. I am starting tomorrow so wish me luck!

Are you currently trying to lose weight or have you in the past? What is working for you? What didn't work for you? I would love any and all feedback.

Tammy