Exposing Myself to the World

Note: This is a long, extremely personal post. I am trying to lose weight on my own, without a "diet" buddy, without a workout buddy, without support from anyone. Answering solely to myself has not really worked for me in the past. I can stop losing weight and no one will ever notice. So, I have decided to make myself extremely vulnerable to you and anyone else who reads my blog. I have decided to let you into one of the most sensitive areas of my life. I feel like if I expose myself to the world, I will hold myself more accountable to follow through with changing myself.

Have you, or anyone you know, struggled with gaining and losing weight? I have ever since I became a mother, but mainly since I had Tayler 18 months ago.

I am a stay at home mom and ever since June, all of my college classes have been completely online. I haven't really had to get "dressed" for anything. Therefore, I hardly ever do my hair and makeup so I hardly ever look in the mirror. In addition, since I am always at home, my clothes are always comfy clothes with elastic waists. They stretch. Thus, I never grow out of my pants. As I evaluate my life, I think this has been a contributing factor to allowing myself to gain weight.

As I have gained weight, I have noticed the scale steadily moving up. However, I never really felt like I looked like I had gained a lot. A few months ago, I had to go buy a pair of slacks. I was shocked at what size I had to get. I didn't understand because I didn't feel like I looked like I was that size. Even though the scale was moving up and I had to buy a very big size (a size I have never gotten close to seeing before) it still wasn't hitting me how big I had gotten. I didn't think that I looked like I was that big.

It was not until I saw the following pictures of myself did I see and realize just how far I had let myself go. I am extremely embarassed to share these pictures, but this is me now. I cannot tell you how many times I have looked at this picture and asked myself "Is that REALLY what I look like!?!?" After seeing these pictures of myself, I knew I had to make a change.

(These pictures were taken last month when my husband and I took our kids to Sea World in San Antonio for my son's birthday.)

I have sat down and evaluated my life. How did this happen? How did I gain so much weight? These are the things I have come up with as reasons why I have gained so much weight.

- stress

- exhaustion

- lack of energy

- lack of time

- lack of a routine

- always putting everyone else before me

This past year has been very hard on me. I feel like I sacrified my health to be able to be a full time student from home and raise two small children.

In the past, I have tried several different diets. They were a quick fix, but they didn't teach me how to eat healthy longterm. I was never really taught how to cook. I have spent the past 2 weeks and will spend the next 2 weeks learning how to eat healthy, what to eat, how much of each food groups to eat, how to cook delicious but healthy food, etc.

In my last post, I wrote that one of my goals for 2011 is to lose 80 pounds. Another goal that I have is to lose 55 pounds by the time I graduate, which is May 14th.

As the top of my blog states, this is a journal of my life. I need to hold myself accountable and I feel like blogging about what I am going through will help me because I know someone somewhere out there is reading what I write.

So, what I would like to do is do a weekly or bi-weekly "weigh in" update on my progress. How much weight I have lost that week, any struggles that I had, any accomplishments, etc. From time to time, I would also like to post pictures of noticeable changes.

If you got to the end of this post, I appreciate the time you took to read this and I look forward to sharing my future progress with you. Thank you for holding me accountable. :)

Love,

Tammy

To Health & Happiness

This past year, my goal was to lose weight. At the beginning of the year, I did follow a diet but only for about 2 months. Unfortunately, I gained all of the weight back, plus some extra.

2010 has been a very hard, stressful and exhausting year for Kyle and I. This coming year, my overall goal is not to lose weight. My goal for 2011 is to live a happier and healthier life.

In 2011, I would like to get in a regular routine. I want to include exercise into my daily routine, which will serve as much needed "me" time, as well as spend more quality time with my kids. I want to learn how to cook healthy but delicious meals. With learning how to cook and exercising daily, I should be able to lose the weight that I desperately need to lose. By not commiting myself to a "diet" but to a healthy lifestyle, I hope to reach my personal goal of losing 80 pounds.

I would also like to tackle our cluttered and unorganized home and keep it clean and organized. I would like to teach my children to clean up after themselves by modeling that behavior. I would also like to finish painting and decorating our home. I feel like these things will allow us to feel more relaxed and at peace while at home.

I would also like to find a church that we can call home.

I will be graduating with my Bachelor's Degree in May so I would like to get a job for the 2011-2012 school year and begin working in August, if not sooner. Not only will this give me a sense of independence, but it will also significantly help with the stress over money, or lack of. Having a full time job outside of the home will also aid in the development of a routine as well as keeping our home clean. I have felt like, since becoming a stay at home mom/student, I have become lost and don't know who I am anymore, other than being a mother and wife. Being a working mom is not what all women desire but I think that it is a challenge that I need, and will make me happier.

So, my goal for 2011 is to live a happier and healthier life than I lived in 2010.

I am looking very forward to 2011 as I know it will bring a lot of changes that we have been hoping for.

Do you have anything you are looking forward to in 2011?

My 2nd Quilt!

I FINALLY finished Colton's quilt! His is much larger than Tayler's so it took quite a bit of time...

Front: It has only been washd once so the more it is washed, the more freyed and fluffier it will get.

Back: flat like a regular quilt.

It is REALLY difficult to find boy's prints. I wanted to do blues and greens but they all seemed girly with flowery types of prints. Good for a baby, but not for a little boy. So, that it why I decided on a Cars theme with mix and match soft solids.

My 1st Quilt

A few months back, I decided that I wanted to make Tayler a quilt for Christmas. She LOVES blankets and has to carry one EVERYWHERE we go! but she doesn't have any big blankets. Now that it has been cold outside, I have had to cover her up at night with a throw blanket. I really wanted her to have a quilt but one that matches her pink and brown room.

Sometimes when I am looking for inspiration, I go to Google Pictures. That is what I did - I googled quilts. I discovered something called a rag quilt and knew this was what I wanted to do! Cute and fluffy, not boring like a lot of quilts. Below was the result, my very first attempt at making a quilt.

It has only been washed once so the more it is washed, the more freyed and fluffier it will get.

(her name is on the bottom right hand square)

Below: The backside of the quilt.

Skill Level: Easy

Time: A LOT

Colton's quilt coming soon...

Kyle and I aren't doing much this year for Christmas. With being heavily in debt to school as well still trying to recover from Kyle being out of work for several months due to his injury, we decided to keep Christmas small and simple this year. We got a few gifts for the kids and decided not to exchange gifts between ourselves. But, I was able to give myself one gift, with the help of Colton, and honestly, it is the BEST gift.

Colton painted a pumpkin free handed at school in October. Out of all of the kids in his class, his was honestly one of the best paintings, if not the best. I thought he did such a great job that I wanted to turn it into an art piece for our home. Since Hobby Lobby is running a 50% off frame sale, Kyle and I picked out the frame for only $10!

I love homemade, handmade gifts. I think they are the BEST types of gifts to both give and get. There is something really special when someones time is put into the gift. Even though Christmas will be very small this year for us, I think this is the best gift I could have gotten, my son's artistic skills displayed in our home. :)

Merry Christmas

1st Week Weight Loss Results

Last week I made a post about a few new cookbooks that I had gotten. Like many people, I have tried several diets... Atkins, Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, etc. And like many people, I gain the weight back after.

My new approach to weight loss this time around is to develop a healthy lifestyle. Saying you are "on a diet" insinuates you will eventually get "off" that diet. I need to learn how to be healthy so that it can be a lifelong change, not just something I do for a few months. I also need to teach my children good eating habits while they are young and also allow them to grow up in a home where we cook fresh meals so that they will know how to cook when they are my age.

I have committed this month that I am not in school to two things 1. cleaning my house :) and 2. learning how to cook healthy meals.

Last Sunday I started on this new journey. I weighed in this morning and am happy to announce that I have lost 5 1/2 pounds. :) Although it's not the huge numbers viewed on The Biggest Loser, I am not on The Biggest Loser. 5 1/2 pounds is 5 1/2 pounds towards my goal!

I am trying to remember that it took more than a month to put on this weight and it's going to take more than a month to take it off. Also, the faster I lose it the greater chance I will have at getting saggy skin, something that I do not care to get. :)

So, I am pleased to announce that while losing those 5 1/2 pounds this week, I did not deprive myself. I didn't tell myself "You can't have that." I ate bread. I ate dessert. I just did it in a healthy, portion controlled manner. And honestly, the food I ate this week was so much more delicious than what I had been eating.

My goal for this past week was to cook and eat healthy meals. My goal for this next week is to incorporate exercise into my day at least 5 days of the week. (This past week I only exercised twice.)

I CAN DO THIS! and if you are wanting to lose weight, YOU CAN DO THIS TOO!

P.S. I am not a picky eater but two things I have always refused to eat is sweet potatoes and cottage cheese. I am excited to say that I have tried both and love them! I now eat cottage cheese on a daily basis!

Oh, something else I wanted to share: I read that it takes 21 days to form a habit to where your body craves something. So, if you are like me and trying to lose weight, if you can give up something for 21 days, you will no longer crave it. If you start eating healthy and exercise for 21 days, you will form a habit!

The Results Are In....

I once again was able to pull off all A's this semester!!

While being at The University of Houston-Victoria the past 2 1/2 years, I have been able to make all A's except for 2 B's. (Out of 18 courses, I made A's in 16 of them!) Thus, I will be graduating with TOP HONORS.

There are 3 levels of honors a student can get (not everyone graduates with one of these): cum laude, magna cum laude, and summa cum laude. I will be graduating summa cum laude, which requires a gpa (grade point average) of at least 3.85 out of 4.0.

Yay for me! My hard work, sleepless nights, messy home and lack of free time have allowed me to obtain this achievement!

What happens...?

What doesn't break you only makes you stronger.

When you've hit rock bottom, there is no where to go but up.

Good things come to those who wait.

Have you every heard these sayings before? What happens if you are broken? What happens if you don't go up? And what if good things don't come?

I am so tired of bad things happening. When will it be my chance to have good luck or have good things happen to me? At what point is it my turn to be happy? At want point does karma come around and reward me for being a good, caring, lovingm hard working person? At what point will I have shed enough tears?

(These are all rhetorical questions, meaning they do not need an answer. This is a journal of my current thoughts and feelings.)

Cookies with Santa

Today our neighborhood hosted a "Cookies with Santa" event. We decided to take the kids because it was close and convenient, as well as free. Using my own camera and getting the pics printed sure does beat the price at the mall.

Tayler wanted nothing to do with Santa. She clung to me as I tried to sit her down. Colton was so excited before we got there and then when it was turn, he was extremely shy. He hid behind my leg, would not talk to Santa and wouldn't even look towards him! He kept his head buried in the opposite shoulder. Luckily I was able to get him to turn his head to be able to get one picture. (I would have been so upset if I had waited in line for an hour and got no pictures!!)



I would also like to add, there is something very disturbing about the fact that we all went to see Santa wearing shorts!!

The Biggest Loser

Are you a fan of The Biggest Loser? I am! It is one of my favorite shows. It is amazing to me how people can lose so much weight just by eating properly and exercising.

Now that school is finished, I won't be super stressed out and exhausted all the time. I can start going to bed at a decent time and even have time to exercise! I feel like my life finally has time to welcome the challenge of losing weight. Even though I will still be in school next semester, things will be a lot different. I won't be sitting at home on my butt all day at the computer and going to sleep at crazy hours of the night. I will have a regular work-type schedule and I will be on my feet all day. I also won't be able to munch whenever I feel like it.

I feel like one of the reasons I have not been successful at losing it weight is because I never learned how to cook. There are a few things I know how to cook, but not much. I already have The Biggest Loser Cookbook but I wanted more options. So, I purchased a few new cheap cookbooks. As I have been looking through the ingredients on a lot of the recipes, I have noticed that a lot of them have similar ingredients and very few ingredients. I didn't know cooking could be so easy! So, I am really excited to start this new journey in my life next week.

Below are the cookbooks that I will be using to start this weight loss journey. (I purchased them from Amazon.com because they were much cheaper and also offered free shipping.)

This is the cookbook that I already had that I will be using:

Most of the recipes in this book (below) are for 4 servings, which is perfect for us. :) (I am going to try and get Kyle to eat healthy too... keyword: try :) )

I am especially excited about this book (below)!!! If you are a sweet eater like me, you can imagine why I am so excited!

I have not looked at this one yet but it is by the same author as The Biggest Loser cookbooks so I am hoping it will be good, and easy as advertised. It says it is for the super busy and that is going to be me in about a month when I start student teaching!

I never thought I would be so excited about cooking and eating healthy, I think because I never knew how to make healthy taste good and not be boring. I am going to try and plan menus for a week at a time and if possible prepare ahead, especially next semester, so that I don't have to do a lot when I get home.

I'm Done!

I'm done! I'm done! I'm done! I am officially done with my course work!!! Now all I have to do is my student teaching and I can graduate! I think I might have to do a happy dance!!! Now I just have to wait to see what my final grades will be...

P.S. Still trying to get my placement for student teaching changed. It is going to be tought, stressful journey getting things changed so please keep me in your thoughts.

Student Teaching

It is with bittersweetness that I am able to announce that I have received my student teaching placement for next semester.

The person over the school district had asked me where I would like to be placed. I had my first choice and also requested to be in any of the schools on this side of the district. The reasoning was because I am having to take out student loans to pay for childcare and gas since I will be basically working for free. Even though student teaching is a 40 hour work week, the class load is (for some odd reason) considered part time, so my aid package was lowered since I will not be a full time student.

Well, today I got my placement and I am not on the side of the district that I live on. In fact, I am on the complete opposite side. It is a little disappointing and frustrating and I am definitely worried about the long drive and the cost of gas, especially since I will not be making a paycheck to compensate for it. I am trying to stay positive and hope that the Lord has good plans for me and that there is a good reason I have been placed so far.

I will be student teaching in 3rd and 5th grade which I am very excited about. :)

UPDATE: I am currently trying to get my placements changed. I am so irritated. They placed me in math-only classes for my 60 days of student teaching. I will have a generalist certification, which means I will be certified to teach ALL subjects, which means I NEED to know how to teach ALL subjects, not just math. This is not going to benefit me and not look good when I try to get a job and I only have experience teaching math. If I wanted a degree in math I would have gotten one. So, I am currently fighting to get it changed. I don't understand how they even thought this would be okay? GRRR

Just Checking In

Hello All,
Words to describe the past week and the upcoming week... stressful, exhausting and crazy.

For the past few nights, I have been up between 2-4:30am trying to get school work done. As I am approaching the end of my semester, so many things are due all at the same time. I am officially in panic mode!! I know that I WILL be graduating with Honors. However, there are 3 levels of honors. In order for me to get the top honor, I have to make all A's this semester. One class is finished and it was an A! So, now I need 4 more. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers that I can have the mental and physical strength to keep pushing hard and get through this next week.

I will update you as soon as I know where my grades stand....

Love,
Tammy