Lately I have felt pretty down and stressed out. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the things that I need to do that I forget to cherish the small things, like my son. I feel like I am always battling with my house to keep it clean. Sometimes it takes me an entire 8 hours to spotlessly clean one room in the house, but in a matter of a few days it doesn't even look like I did anything! Other times I am so wrapped up in trying to get my school assignments completed that that is all I focus on. I feel like I have been so stressed out lately that it is having affect on Colton as well. Sometimes I get so wrapped up with things that I need to do that I put them before him. The other day I was trying to do school work and Colton wanted me to come play in his room with him but I kept blowing him off. I feel really bad when I think back to how I treated him. I know me going to school is going to help better both of our lives, but at the same time, is my school work more important than spending quality time with my child? I feel like my life has finally fallen together so perfectly but at the same time sometimes feels like it is such a mess. I have heard so many women say how they love being a stay-at-home mom. I have found myself several times say that "I hate being a stay at home mom." However, if all I had to do was be a stay-at-home mom (cook, clean, take care of the children) I think I would love it. However, add being a full time student to the mix, and the fact that I have to self teach myself everything, I just haven't quite figured out how to balance everything. Sometimes I get so frustrated or overwhelmed that I have a bad attitude and my attitude affects Colton because he in turn gets upset and cranky. So, I was in the car the other day feeling down and I heard a song come on the radio..... I don't really like Miley Cyrus (a.k.a Hannah Montanna.) Although I don't think she can sing very good, she has a new song out that really hit home and actually made me feel a little better. Now, when I feel down, I turn the song on and it suddenly lifts my spirits. You can see the music video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2zyeVRcbs Some of the lyrics that touched me were
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember the most
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a up-hill battle
Sometimes your gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb!
5 comments:
I completely understand the overwhelming feeling your having. You're a very strong lady and I have every faith you will pull through with two smiling children and one happy (and very lucky) husband... and you'll be happier than you ever imagined. Those lyrics really are great! Being a full time mom is hard work. Being a full time mom and student is extremely hard work. Being a full time mom, full time student, and pregnant all at once is the most difficult (at least you're not having twins!) I am in awe of how you keep up with everything! I couldn't imagine going back to school. That is harder than work because you have to teach yourself and test and such... not just do mundane tasks to pass the day the clock out. You are a hero to your son and a goddess to your husband (or you should be at least) Colton will not remember these stressful days, but the fun ones (like his birthday party and birth of his sister) You are doing a wonderful job. My favorite quote (which is on the back of my letter jacket) Smile and be happy!
Call me if you ever need to vent or talk about amazing things Colton is doing!
I think you are doing a great job... We all have our moments of stress luckily our kiddos forgive and forget very easily.
My Sweetie! Hang in there! I so remember those days! You are a GREAT mom! Don't worry about making your house spotless - just try one thing a day - like Monday - laundry day - that sort of thing - then you will feel good about checking things off your list! You can also include Colton in things like laundry day - he can be your "big helper" - like make it a game. Not trying to tell you what to do - just some things that helped me through those years of staying home. And you know me, I like checking things off my list! :) Love you!
Oh, how I remember the days of trying to keep all the balls in the air. Actually, that never goes away...but it is different as time goes by. I remember in my stay at home days, telling Jim that I felt like I spent all day trying to get something accomplished only to awake the next day to it all being undone as I slept. In that area, working is better than staying at home. BUT, the rewards of watching your little ones grow into amazing adults with children of their own...there is nothing better! I speak from my own regret of rushing those years (I really think we all do that to some degree) when I advise my girls to keep a journal. (I don't think either one of them took it though.) There will come a day when you want to remember these times. Even if it is just a simple notebook and you write in it once a week...just jot down the joys and frustrations, the cute things the kids say or do, the ways they have grown, etc. You will never regret it!
I love you and think you are an amazing mom. What a joy to watch you girls grow into strong, resouceful young women. Thanks for sharing from your heart.
Hey, girl, I need to get with you about the baby shower. Would you send me an email. my address is in the sidebar of my blog if you don't have it already. Thanks!
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