I know I have blogged about it time and time and time and time again... but I hope this time it works out for me.
Over the past few years, I have really batted with weight issues. The last time I was thin was in 2008. At the end of 2008, I went back to school and got pregnant with Tayler. I 2009, I was still in school full time and had Tayler. In 2010, I was still in school full time with both kids at home. And in 2011 I finally finished school.
After many failed attempts, I really thought that being out of school and now working I would FINALLY have a schedule to allow me more time and energy to try this whole weight loss thing again. I quickly realized that the was the farthest from easy as possible. Have you ever heard that a teacher's first year is hell? Well, I did and now I believe it. However, it is a new semester and a new year and I REALLY WANT to accomplish this goal. If I can go to school full time and raise 2 kids full time at the same time, then eating healthy and exercising SHOULD BE a piece of cake.
I have recently realized that I have started to have very low self esteem about my personal image. I do not feel confident and often feel very ashamed and embarassed at how I look. I stray from people and social events because of these feelings. And being able to admit that is very scary but refreshing.
Please pray for me as I enter the second semester of my 1st year of teaching. Please pray that I can manage my time, become organized, leave school at a normal time so that I have the energy to prepare non-school things. Please pray that I will have the strength, courage and discipline to conquer this very difficult challenge. I need to lose weight for health reasons - I am at a very unhealthy weight. But I also need to lose weight for myself - I need to be confident and happy with myself.
As the weeks go on, I hope to update you on my small goals.
Even though I would like to do this "all naturally" and with diet and exercise alone, I do not feel that will work for me right now. I have a mental thing where I feel like if I am on a "program" I will be more apt to follow it. Having a guide feels like less work. So, tomorrow I plan to purchase Alli - the only FDA approved over the counter weight loss pill.
1 comment:
I am just now catching up on all of the blog posts from December... First of all YOU ARE SOOO BEAUTIFUL, no matter what size you are! You are one of my prettiest friends and that is not a lie. Second I am so proud of you for making a "goal" that you can track rather than a general resolution that none of us ends up keeping. If you ever feel like you need a second wind or and encouraging word I am here for you, seriously!
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