Saturday, January 7, 2012

1 Week towards my goals

Well, I had a great week. (I hope you did too!) I worked towards my goals this week.

#1. I left work on time, or as close to it as possible, most days this week. Friday I stayed late and I guess the kids noticed because Colton told Kyle "I guess mommy is going to miss dinner because it's dark." He said this because he noticed I wasn't home yet. Crazy how he noticed that only after a few days. Honestly, it was really nice have more time with them before bed time.

#2. I left work at work. Friday was the only day I brought my computer and papers home. I need to be at home mentally and not just physically. I made that change this week and I really noticed my stress level decrease.

#3. I made healthy choices and changes in my diet. I started the week trying to count calories and I quickly realized that was just too much for me. Baby steps.... so, I decide to make healthy choices, portion control and eat more smaller meals and snacks throughout the day. I guess it worked because this week I lost 6 pounds. I did not exercise at all because I did not want to overwhelm myself... again, baby steps. :)  BUT my classroom is on the 2nd floor so I go up and down the stairs several times through out the day.

(Kyle has also decided to get on board with making healthy choices. It has made a huge difference in my own progress. It was always difficult before trying to eat a salad while he ate a pizza. So, it is nice not having those temptations, at least for right now while I am trying to kick the cravings and addictions. By making healthier choices, he lost 5 pounds this week.)

Wishing myself, and you, a great week! Let's set those goals and try to do our best to work towards them!

Love,
Tammy

Sunday, January 1, 2012

MAKING the time

I am not setting a resolution for this year, and I am especially not setting it as "lose weight." The past few years that has been my resolution and it has yet to happen.

As I previously posted, my GOAL for this year is make more time for ME.

(I cannot remember where, but I recently read a good quote....  A goal is a dream with a deadline.)

My goal for 2012 is to focus on me... this includes many aspects... health is #1 - I want to get in shape for medical and personal reasons. I also want to be more mentally calm. I spend so much time taking care of everyone around me that I forget to take care of myself. I want to read more, take more bubble baths, buy myself a surprise, etc.

So, today I started working towards this new goal - the health aspect of it. It was a tough day for me. At one point I had to ask Kyle to go to the gas station and get me some hard candy. He thought that was random and I told him I needed something to occupy me. He looked even more confused. I had to compare my weightloss attempts to his tobacco-loss attempts. I had to explain to him that I am a food addict and I needed to keep my mouth occupied so I wouldn't go snack. Honestly, it worked and the boredom cravings past. (I am emotional eater - boredom, stress, sadness, etc.)

Sooooo anyways, one of the biggest reason I have had a hard time with eating right lately is because I just don't make the time to plan. Jillian Michaels once said "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." So, tonight I decided to plan so I do not fail. It took quite some time to plan my meals and snack for tomorrow, but I did it. Hopefully it will get quicker and easier with time. But now that I am finished, I am so excited about how organized I am. :)

An inside view of my lunchkit for tomorrow:

I LOVE Chobani greek yogurt and now they make it in kid size! That's it in the back right. I cannot eat cottage cheese by itself but I do like the cottage doubles - front right. I have my grapes in the middle and on the left is the fixings for my turkey burger.

Below is everything for tomorrow, except dinner.

Here I have my banana and cream of wheat laid out for breakfast and my whole wheat flat bread for my turkey burger. YUM!

Honestly, I am really excited to finally put me in the front of the line of importance.

This was such a silly post so if you read it, thanks!

Saturday, December 31, 2011

A new year, a fresh start.

One thing that I have realized, over time but more so recently, is I spend a lot of time worrying about everyone around me, taking care of them, meeting their needs, etc. I spend to much time making sure my kids, my husband, my students, etc. are taken care of that it leaves pretty much no time to take care of myself.

My resolution this year is to make more time for me.... to be able to have time to read for fun, to be able to have time to exercise, to be able to have time to eat breakfast, to have time to pack a healthy lunch, to be able to have time to take an hour long bubble bath.

One thing that I realized over this Christmas break is I am a busy person. I have been in school full time while taking care of 2 small children for the past several years. The past few months I have been swamped with being a first year teacher and trying to figure it out all on my own and still be there for my family. So, when I finally got 2 weeks, I really struggled. I spend the first few days moping around because I was so bored. I really realized how busy I am all the time.

So, this year I am hoping to have more calmness in my life and be able to make more time for me. If I don't take care of me, I won't be able to take care of anyone else.

What are you hoping this year brings you?

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Year after year the same challenge..

I know I have blogged about it time and time and time and time again... but I hope this time it works out for me.

Over the past few years, I have really batted with weight issues. The last time I was thin was in 2008. At the end of 2008, I went back to school and got pregnant with Tayler. I 2009, I was still in school full time and had Tayler. In 2010, I was still in school full time with both kids at home. And in 2011 I finally finished school.

After many failed attempts, I really thought that being out of school and now working I would FINALLY have a schedule to allow me more time and energy to try this whole weight loss thing again. I quickly realized that the was the farthest from easy as possible. Have you ever heard that a teacher's first year is hell? Well, I did and now I believe it. However, it is a new semester and a new year and I REALLY WANT to accomplish this goal. If I can go to school full time and raise 2 kids full time at the same time, then eating healthy and exercising SHOULD BE a piece of cake.

I have recently realized that I have started to have very low self esteem about my personal image. I do not feel confident and often feel very ashamed and embarassed at how I look. I stray from people and social events because of these feelings. And being able to admit that is very scary but refreshing.

Please pray for me as I enter the second semester of my 1st year of teaching. Please pray that I can manage my time, become organized, leave school at a normal time so that I have the energy to prepare non-school things. Please pray that I will have the strength, courage and discipline to conquer this very difficult challenge. I need to lose weight for health reasons - I am at a very unhealthy weight. But I also need to lose weight for myself - I need to be confident and happy with myself.

As the weeks go on, I hope to update you on my small goals.

Even though I would like to do this "all naturally" and with diet and exercise alone, I do not feel that will work for me right now. I have a mental thing where I feel like if I am on a "program" I will be more apt to follow it. Having a guide feels like less work. So, tomorrow I plan to purchase Alli - the only FDA approved over the counter weight loss pill.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

A Stolen Life

Last month, I posted that I had decided to start reading "for fun." I am excited to say that I have finished my first book. I finished "The Best of Me," the book I mentioned 2 posts ago. For my first leasurely book, it wasn't bad. However, it wasn't great. The ending was extremely predictable and I guess that is what I disliked the most.

I don't know what it is about me, but I love a true story, especially suspense. My most favorite movies are the true story lifetime movies. I don't know why, but knowing they are based on events that actually happened makes me so much more interested. I also follow stories on the news and when they are turned into movies, such as the Natalie Holloway and Amanda Knox stories. (Natalie Holloway is the teen who went missing in Aruba on her senior trip - she has yet to be found. Amanda Knox is the American student who was found guilty for murder while studying abroad. She was recently retried and found not guilty.) Stories like these, for whatever reason, intrigue me.

I am so used to reading to learn and reading nonfiction (true) books. Maybe this is why I like true stories. Maybe not. Either way, I like a true story.

Another story that I followed on the news was the finding of Jaycee Dugard. I can't remember the exacts, but she is the girl who was kidnapped and held captive for approximately 18 years. (I can't remember the exact number.) She also birthed her kidnapper's children. I remember how shocked I was when I saw it on the news. I remember hearing about all the tips neighbors had sent in and police who "checked" the home. I was enraged at the fact that she could have easily been found if people who have taken better notice. I can imagine that her story is a tough one to learn about. I can also imagine how much of an amazing woman she probably is by surviving so many years of what I would consider a nightmare.

Thus, my next read is: A Stolen Life - A Memoir, by Jaycee Dugard.

So much time, so little to do

I cannot believe how fast time is flying by. It seems like just a few weeks ago I got my first teaching job and was putting together a classroom. The school year is now halfway over.

I never understood what people meant when they said your first of teaching is like "trying not to drown." I now understand that saying.

I am now on my 2 week break from work. I so needed this break. Saturday was awesome, just what I needed. I watched lifetime movie after lifetime movie. Saturdays are usually my day to relax so that was no different than the usual week. However, Sundays are always my day to prepare for the week... wash mine and the kids' clothes, wash their school blankets and pillows, do my lessons for the week, etc. Sundays are always very busy as I prepare for the upcoming week. So, this Sunday was very different for me. I had a hard time dealing with having nothing to do. I didn't need to wash my clothes, I didn't need to do lesson plans.

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by having nothing to do because you are so used to having so much to do? That is how I have felt the past couple of days.

Monday, November 7, 2011

"The Best of Me"

In the previous post, I told you I need more time for me, doing the things that I love. Honestly, I don't even really know what those things are.

I have never been on to read "for fun." I always admired people who did but never really understood. I have, for what I can remember, only read one book just because - "The Lovely Bones." I read this in high school I believe. (By the way, the book was better than the movie that came out a few years ago.)

Anyways.... The past few years I have read  A LOT, but for educational purposes. I read books for school and books to help me with school. Never a book because I wanted to. I think this has happened for several reasons.

1. I don't have time. Read for fun - what is fun?? :) Definitely haven't had time for that.
2. I am so used to reading to learn. I can't remember the last time I read something without a highlighter and pen beside me.
3. Even if I wanted to purchase a book, I would have no idea where to even start. The bookstore and library is definitely overwhelming.
4. Reading is something that I believe needs to be fostered when children are young. I don't really remember ever reading when I was younger. In high school, we were assigned books - we never got to choose - and they always came along with assignments.

One thing that I really like about the school that I teach at is that we have D.E.A.R. time every day for 30 minutes. D.E.A.R. stands for Drop Everything And Read. This is a time where students get to read whatever book they choose, for fun. No assignments. No questions. Just enjoyable reading. If I had had that when I was younger, I may actually enjoy reading.

Lately I have yeared for quiet, relaxing time. Being with 8-9 year olds all day and then coming home to a 2 and 5 year old makes for a very busy and noisy day. The thought of reading has actually sounded really good.

Yesterday, when I was at Wal-Mart picking up a few organizational items, I decided to purchase a book. Wal-Mart does not have a very large selection but I actually liked that - it wasn't overwhelming for me. So, I decided to go to the Best Seller's section. I figured I couldn't go wrong there. If it was a Best Seller, it must be good, right? So, with much hesitation, I finally picked one....

"The Best of Me" by Nicholas Sparks.


I have heard of him but really know nothing about him. I have to start somewhere so apparantly this is where I am starting. I am oddly looking forward to reading, so I hope I am not disappointed. I am on chapter 3 and so far so good.