Colton Graduates!

Since I have been so aloof in the blogging world, I have a lof of catching up to do...
Last month, Colton graduated from Pre-K. The parents purchased a cap and gown for their child and the school put on a graduation ceremony.

Pre-ceremony:

The ceremony:

Unfortunately, I assume since Colton is tall, he was stuck in the back during every performance. It was quite disappointing. However, he did a good job peeking through the crowds for me to snap his picture.

Can you see his cute little face in the middle?

Colton wasn't stuck in the back for the entire ceremoy. He actually landed a solo spot, something only a few students got! Colton sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in Chinese. This is something that he learned at his preschool last year (one of the only things he learned there). :) This definitely made up for him being stuck in the back all evening!

Proud mama

Proud daddy

Post-Ceremony

After the graduation, my mom treated us to a celebratory family dinner. Colton and Tayler kept fighting over who got to sit by her. Here is a picture where they are both happy with their muggy. :)

Tayler turns 3!

Yesterday Tayler turned 3 years old. I am having such a hard time grasping how fast time is flying by. It seems like just a few months ago I was holding her and Colton was wanting to help feed her. Now I have 2 full grown toddlers.

Below are some pictures from her birthday yesterday.

Tayler requested a tinkerbell themed party. So, I made her a tinkerbell tutu and cake.

I have never made such a difficult cake before so with nothing to go off of, I am pretty proud of myself. :)

We had a small birthday party for her to spend with her cousins. It was nice spending time with my family and not feeling like I have to entertain or impress anyone. Tayler was able to just play and swim with her cousins and have a good time.

The outdoor portion:

I think all the kids had a good time!

Then we came home and did family presents.

Tayler said she loved her tinkerbell party. It was nice being able to do something simple yet she loved it so much. :)

** A special thank you to my mom who helped me set up everything and also allowed us to use her house. **

Weekly Weigh-In

I am a day late... sorry. Yesterday was Tayler's birthday and a hectic day for me getting everything ready. (Pictures coming soon.)

Previous weight loss journeys (over the past year): -21
Last week: - 2 pounds

This week: -3 pounds
=
Total weight loss:   26 pounds

46 pounds left to goal weight


I can't believe another week has passed by. This week has been very positive for me. Last week I started exercising hard core. As I previously wrote, Kyle and I have worked out a schedule so that I can go to the gym by myself. Let me tell you, it has been so nice getting in and out of the car freely without having to unload and load children, being able to exercise without whining and tattling or having to stop to take a child potty or get a snack, not being on a time limit. Don't get me wrong - I absolutely love my children and they are my world. But sometimes we moms just need a little break.

So this week I exercised every day except for Thursday. I decided I needed to give my body a day of rest and had some things to do. Thursday evening I realized that I have finally formed a habit and a routine. After going to the gym 7 straight days, I did not feel complete when I didn't go. I found myself more bored, less energized and in a little bit of a rut. I now see what people mean about getting your feel-good endorphins/hormones flowing when you exercised. I felt really down Thursday since I did not exercise. This week I continued doing the body pump class that I tried out last Saturday. On Saturday I did 1 1/2 hour of cardio and I pushed myself harder than I ever have before. I hate sweating but when I exercise I love it. I feel like the amount of sweat is an indicator of how hard I have worked. I now have to start bringing a towel to sit on in the car. :) Grose, I know, but so good too. :)

I am still trying to make healthy choices when it comes to food. No diets for me. I have eaten a few cookies here and there - I'm normal and I am not going to deprive myself. My biggest accomplishment of the week happened when we went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant. If you know me, you know that Mexican food is my absolute favorite. When Kyle asked me to go, I did not want to say no and make my current goals a burden on him. So, I said sure, let's go! I did eat some chips and salsa but not nearly as many as I usually do. However, I drank water instead of a soda and had a taco salad instead of enchiladas. On my taco salad, I had them hold the sour cream and cheese. When it arrived, I dumped it out and sat the shell on the other end of the table. Honestly, it was really good, especially with the chicken and avocado. (Avocado is a healthy fat.) I was so proud of myself. I didn't feel bad about eating chips because like I previously said, this time I have the attitude "something is better than nothing." My meal choice was much better. I am not going to tell myself "I can't." So, I ate some chips in moderation. :)

I have struggled time after time after time with weightloss. I have now realized that I cannot be successful until I set myself and my surroundings to be. I came up with a set plan and let my partner know about it, made sure he was in agreeance and have stuck to it. Because I have a set plan, there is no figuring out how or when to be successful. I have made weightloss a routine for me.

Another important thing - I ONLY weigh myself 1 day a week. It is the same day every week. I used to be addicted to the scale, weighing daily. I got very discourage. After speaking to a trainer this week, it isn't just about what the scale says. It's how we feel about ourselves, how our clothes fit, how much easier exercising gets each time, etc. Also, the more muscle you gain, the more weight you gain. But muscle burns calories faster than fat. So I have also come to realize just because my number loss isn't as great as I would like it to be, doesn't mean I'm not losing weight. I have accepted the fact that the work I am doing is not going unnoticed by my body even if it is going unnoticed by the scale. Eventually it will come off.

Tip: I asked the trained to show me some moves to target my lower stomache as that is the area I am most self-concious about. She told me that there is not really such thing as targeting an area. She said everyone's body is different and everyone disperses their fat differently, and your body will decide which area to burn first. She said you could do crunch after crunch but it won't matter until the fat on top is burned off. She said you have to burn the layer of fat off the top of the muscle which is done through cardio. So, cardio is my new best friend. :)

Wishing you a great and successful week!
Tammy

Weekly Weigh-In

** I decided that I am going to do weekly weigh-ins on Sunday instead of mid-week. It is the start of a new week for me so I am going to weigh-in on Sundays to know how my previous week's efforts were.**

Previous weight-loss: 21 pounds (Over the past year)
+
This week's weight-loss: 2 pounds
=
Total weight-loss: 23 pounds

49 pounds left to goal weight

My thoughts:
I must admit, I was a little disappointed to see I only lost 2 pounds this week since I have exercised almost every day. My husband gently reminded me of all the popcorn I ate at the beginning of the week. He is right.. I ate a lot of it. I also melted butter and poured it on top. The beginning of the week was very challenging for me. I went from 1 extreme of never having enough time to do everything that I need to do (working) to the opposite extreme - not working and having more than enough time. I found myself very bored and not sure what to do. So, I popped popcorn and watched a lot of tv. I do feel this where my weightloss for the week was derailed. Now I know better.

This week I exercised a lot. I actually enjoy exercising. It almost feels like a part of me is being freed. I feel like there is an athlete deep down in me just waiting to emerge. Towards the end of the week, I actually wanted to wake up and go exercise instead of forcing myself to go. It has also helped establish a routine for me. One thing I was afraid of with being off from work the entire summer was that I would get lazy, sleep a lot, eat a lot and just get into a rut.... and gain weight. This is my 1st week off and even though it started off rocky, I have made sure to quickly fix it so I do not start a bad routine.

On Saturday I took a class called Body Pump. In the past, I have seen people do it but I was too afraid for fear of not knowing what to do. Well, at the gym on Saturday, they were doing class after class because every 3 months they reintroduce them. So, I decided to attend one. Honestly, it kicked my butt. I was panting. I was dripping sweat. I had to modify some moves. But you know what? I hung in - the entire hour! And when I was done, I felt so good about myself. I was so proud that I made it through the entire workout without walking out (which I wanted to do many times.) I used to do exercise classes when I was a member of the YMCA 2 1/2 years ago. I forgot how much I love exercise classes. I see other people in there and it helps push me. I don't want to give up because I feel like people are watching me (even though I'm sure they aren't.) And it is fun! I am hoping to be brave enough to try out some other classes. I even get my mom (who also joined the same gym) to go with me to one today. :)

I have also started swimming laps. I used to be a lifeguard in high school and I would swim laps every day I worked. I remember back then how much weight I loss by swimming. So, I have started swimming again. It is nice to jump in the pool and not hear anything - no kids, no talking, no one calling me "mommy" or "Mrs. Sheard", no music. Just the sound of the water. I have realized sometimes I just need silence.

As far as eating, like I previously posted, I am not counting anything and I am not journaling. I am just trying to make good choices... lean meat, whole grains, greek yogurt, lots of fruit and veggies, etc. Dinner has always been something I hate... Kyle and I are very different eaters. So, I make something and he doesn't like it or I fix what he likes and I gain weight. Well, now that Kyle works nights, he is here during dinner time but he rarely eats (he doesn't like eating before work.) So now I only have to worry about the kids and I. Lately, I have liked quick and easy. I don't like cleaning plates plus pots and pans. So, below are some of my favorite items.

I LOVE the Healthy choice steamable meals. (I do not like the regular ones - only the steamables.)

There are also a few Lean Cuisine ones I have started trying that I like too. The potstickers have a little kick to them but they are soo good. I especially like the pizzas.

I LOVE cream of wheat. The original (plain) isn't that great but what I do is mash up a banana and sprinkle some cinnamon and then it is very good. :)

And I also enjoy a smoothie made with skim milk. Only 110 calories and so delicious, especially on these hot days! The package makes 2 so I usually make myself 1 and split the other with the kids.

Wishing you a wonderful week and much success!
Tammy

Weighing In

Weight loss - something that should be a no-brainer... eat less, move more. But why is it so challenging for so many of us? I don't know how many times I have said I am going to lose weight and then given up. After failed attempt after failed attempt, I have finally realized some of the reasons I have failed...

1. I take on too much. This past year, I was a working mommy. Before that, I was in school full time. I tend to take on a lot of responsibilities and leave very little time for myself.

2. I have an "all or nothing" attitude. I think if I skip a day of exercise why bother even eating right? If I mess up on 1 meal well I guess I messed up my entire day.

3. I deprive myself. I tell myself "You can't have that."

Here is what I know I need to do now...
1. Make time for myself!!!
I have gym equipment at the house but let's face it, it is not a stress reliever to be running on a treadmill with children screaming, tattling on each other, bugging you for a drink or snack, trying to get on the treadmill too, etc.
A friend of mine that I work with recently told me about a fitness program that our health insurance offers. (I wonder why no one ever informed us of this!?!?) Anyways... basically the insurance is contracted with many fitness centers. So, you pay the insurance to join the fitness program and they pay the gym. So, I am able to join 24 Hour Fitness for $25 a month through my insurance instead of the normal $60. This is less than $1 a day!! So, this is going to be my getaway. :)

2. Have a "something is better than nothing" attitude! If I have a cookie - so what? It doesn't change the fact that I had a healthy breakfast and lunch. A good breakfast and lunch + a cookie is better than a bad breakfast and lunch + a cookie. I am not on the Biggest Loser. 45 minutes of exercise is better than nothing.

3. Tell myself I CAN but in moderation.
Every time I have attempted to lose weight in the past, I gave myself guidelines because I thought I needed them. I took a pill that would give you an upset stomach if you ate too much fat so I was always scared into eating the right things. I followed diet plans. I counted calories. I had a weight loss journal. I would tell myself time after time that I couldn't have certain things. I am not doing that anymore. I am human and if I want a treat, I can have one. It is not going to take away my muscle tone. It is not going to take away the good conditioning my heart has gotten.


Wednesday Weigh-In
I have recently learned that there are many people I know battling the same battle as I am. I think it is important for others to realize they are not alone. A family-friend of mine on the same journey has decided to post a Wednesday-Weigh In each week. I am going to follow her lead and do the same. I think it helps to be able to read other people's stories. It helps motivate and encourage me but also push me. Also, if I can give that inspiration and motivation to someone else then I am happy to do so.

Where I am at today:
I have not lost any weight this year. I have lost and regained the same 5 pounds multiple times. My life was not balanced this year. As a first year teacher at a brand new school, this year was a struggle for me. I was lucky to get 6 hours of sleep a night. I have now realized that I cannot live my life like that. I have to make more time for me and for my family.

Last year, when I was student teaching, I start trying to lose weight. Over the past year, I have managed to keep of 22 of the pounds that I had previously lost.

As I mentioned above, I joined 24 hour fitness. I forgot how much I really enjoyed working out. Kyle has been very supportive of me and watches the kids while I go, without a time limit. He works nights so when he gets home in the morning, I go to the gym. When I get back, he goes to sleep.  I am able to get in and out of my car without loading and unloading children. I am able to actually feel free. I have found that having some freedom away from my children is extremely important in my happiness and stress level. My mom also enjoyed so it is nice working out with her sometimes and getting time to catch up.

As far as eating... I am not taking pills. I am not on a diet plan. I am not counting anything. I am basically trying to make better choices. I may count calories eventually, especially if I am not losing, but for now I feel like I need to keep all extra responsibilities and restrictions away.

For now, thank you for being understanding and supportive and I hope to be a part of a support group for others.

God Bless. :)
Tammy

My how time flies

My, how time flies.

I am not sure how time slips away. I guess other things become more important and we lose sight on other things, maybe things we don't want to see. That sure is how I am feeling right now.

Looking back at old blog posts, I posted back in December 2010, an embarassing overweight picture of myself and how determined I was to lose the weight. Then back in May-July 2011 more posts about buckling down and losing weight. And then in January of this year, the same thing again.

Obviously losing weight is something I felt strongly about so I am not sure why I am still sitting her, March 2012, about to write the same post I have written time and time again.

I feel embarassed. and I feel defeated.

For the past few years, I have had failed attempt after failed attempt at weight loss. I am not sure what causes me to fail. For some reason, I just give up and stop trying. When I start to see success, I give up. I don’t know why. You would think success would make you keep going. But not for me, and I don’t know why.


I don’t know what will be different about this attempt. I sure hope it is the last but I still haven’t figured out what makes me stray. At times I say I hate feelings restricted. Other times I say I love being on a “plan.” At times I say healthy food is great and others it’s not. I am not sure what is going on in my mind but something inside me feels defeated and very confused. Something inside me has given up. But, I know I have not given up 100% because I still want to try, I am just not sure how. So, I am going to try again. I hope that through keeping a journal, I can figure out what is going on in my mind and body and why I have been my own worst enemy the past few years.


I heard something on TV tonight that a daughter said about her dad. She said her dad hates asking for help because he sees it as a sign of failure. Anyone who knows me well knows that I do NOT like asking for help. I don’t know why I am this way. I guess I always wanted to be strong and do it on my own. But now that I really think about it, I have felt like asking for help is a sign of weakness. I hate recognizing that I am fat because I do feel like a failure. How can so many other moms out there be so damn skinny after having kids and I am so overweight? I get it - I don’t have those lucky genes. So, I have to actually work for it. Doesn’t it suck how some people eat anything they want and are always super skinny? I’m sure you know someone like that. This is me throwing myself a pity party – it’s just not fair!

But, life isn’t fair. And I realize that.

I know I have blogged very similar blogs as this multiple times in the past. It is just a problem I have that I have not found the strength, and courage, to overcome.

If you would, please pray for God to help give me guidance and clarity and the strength both mentally and physically to beat this battle. This seems to be the one lingering battle in my life that I have not been able to beat. I have realized this and I am asking for help – from you and from the Lord.

Tammy

Courageous

Last night, Kyle and I watched the movie "Courageous."
This is one of the best movies I have ever seen. It is also one of the biggest tear-jerkers I have ever seen.

If you...
- are a parent.
- are a soon-to-be-parent
- have ever lost a loved one
- are in law enforcement
- do not have a father
- are going through a rough time in life

...then this movie will touch you in a life-changing way.

I have learned so much about myself and the person I am and the person I want to be from this movie.

This movie gave me a reality check as to how precious our life and time is and we need to live it to the fullest. This movie showed me that I shouldn't just be a "good enough" mother. This movie showed me how I want to raise my children in a Godly manner. This movie showed me that when we lose someone close to us, we should be grateful for the time we had with them and not angry with the time we lost. This movie showed me that even though I no longer have an Earthly Father, I have a Heavenly Father. And lastly, this movie showed me that when we are going through a hard time, we need to turn to God and he will indeed answer our prayers.

This is a must see movie. It is entertaining but will also pull on your heart strings. This movie will make you see life in a new way. I highly recommend it.