One thing that I have realized, over time but more so recently, is I spend a lot of time worrying about everyone around me, taking care of them, meeting their needs, etc. I spend to much time making sure my kids, my husband, my students, etc. are taken care of that it leaves pretty much no time to take care of myself.
My resolution this year is to make more time for me.... to be able to have time to read for fun, to be able to have time to exercise, to be able to have time to eat breakfast, to have time to pack a healthy lunch, to be able to have time to take an hour long bubble bath.
One thing that I realized over this Christmas break is I am a busy person. I have been in school full time while taking care of 2 small children for the past several years. The past few months I have been swamped with being a first year teacher and trying to figure it out all on my own and still be there for my family. So, when I finally got 2 weeks, I really struggled. I spend the first few days moping around because I was so bored. I really realized how busy I am all the time.
So, this year I am hoping to have more calmness in my life and be able to make more time for me. If I don't take care of me, I won't be able to take care of anyone else.
What are you hoping this year brings you?
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Year after year the same challenge..
I know I have blogged about it time and time and time and time again... but I hope this time it works out for me.
Over the past few years, I have really batted with weight issues. The last time I was thin was in 2008. At the end of 2008, I went back to school and got pregnant with Tayler. I 2009, I was still in school full time and had Tayler. In 2010, I was still in school full time with both kids at home. And in 2011 I finally finished school.
After many failed attempts, I really thought that being out of school and now working I would FINALLY have a schedule to allow me more time and energy to try this whole weight loss thing again. I quickly realized that the was the farthest from easy as possible. Have you ever heard that a teacher's first year is hell? Well, I did and now I believe it. However, it is a new semester and a new year and I REALLY WANT to accomplish this goal. If I can go to school full time and raise 2 kids full time at the same time, then eating healthy and exercising SHOULD BE a piece of cake.
I have recently realized that I have started to have very low self esteem about my personal image. I do not feel confident and often feel very ashamed and embarassed at how I look. I stray from people and social events because of these feelings. And being able to admit that is very scary but refreshing.
Please pray for me as I enter the second semester of my 1st year of teaching. Please pray that I can manage my time, become organized, leave school at a normal time so that I have the energy to prepare non-school things. Please pray that I will have the strength, courage and discipline to conquer this very difficult challenge. I need to lose weight for health reasons - I am at a very unhealthy weight. But I also need to lose weight for myself - I need to be confident and happy with myself.
As the weeks go on, I hope to update you on my small goals.
Even though I would like to do this "all naturally" and with diet and exercise alone, I do not feel that will work for me right now. I have a mental thing where I feel like if I am on a "program" I will be more apt to follow it. Having a guide feels like less work. So, tomorrow I plan to purchase Alli - the only FDA approved over the counter weight loss pill.
Over the past few years, I have really batted with weight issues. The last time I was thin was in 2008. At the end of 2008, I went back to school and got pregnant with Tayler. I 2009, I was still in school full time and had Tayler. In 2010, I was still in school full time with both kids at home. And in 2011 I finally finished school.
After many failed attempts, I really thought that being out of school and now working I would FINALLY have a schedule to allow me more time and energy to try this whole weight loss thing again. I quickly realized that the was the farthest from easy as possible. Have you ever heard that a teacher's first year is hell? Well, I did and now I believe it. However, it is a new semester and a new year and I REALLY WANT to accomplish this goal. If I can go to school full time and raise 2 kids full time at the same time, then eating healthy and exercising SHOULD BE a piece of cake.
I have recently realized that I have started to have very low self esteem about my personal image. I do not feel confident and often feel very ashamed and embarassed at how I look. I stray from people and social events because of these feelings. And being able to admit that is very scary but refreshing.
Please pray for me as I enter the second semester of my 1st year of teaching. Please pray that I can manage my time, become organized, leave school at a normal time so that I have the energy to prepare non-school things. Please pray that I will have the strength, courage and discipline to conquer this very difficult challenge. I need to lose weight for health reasons - I am at a very unhealthy weight. But I also need to lose weight for myself - I need to be confident and happy with myself.
As the weeks go on, I hope to update you on my small goals.
Even though I would like to do this "all naturally" and with diet and exercise alone, I do not feel that will work for me right now. I have a mental thing where I feel like if I am on a "program" I will be more apt to follow it. Having a guide feels like less work. So, tomorrow I plan to purchase Alli - the only FDA approved over the counter weight loss pill.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
A Stolen Life
Last month, I posted that I had decided to start reading "for fun." I am excited to say that I have finished my first book. I finished "The Best of Me," the book I mentioned 2 posts ago. For my first leasurely book, it wasn't bad. However, it wasn't great. The ending was extremely predictable and I guess that is what I disliked the most.
I don't know what it is about me, but I love a true story, especially suspense. My most favorite movies are the true story lifetime movies. I don't know why, but knowing they are based on events that actually happened makes me so much more interested. I also follow stories on the news and when they are turned into movies, such as the Natalie Holloway and Amanda Knox stories. (Natalie Holloway is the teen who went missing in Aruba on her senior trip - she has yet to be found. Amanda Knox is the American student who was found guilty for murder while studying abroad. She was recently retried and found not guilty.) Stories like these, for whatever reason, intrigue me.
I am so used to reading to learn and reading nonfiction (true) books. Maybe this is why I like true stories. Maybe not. Either way, I like a true story.
Another story that I followed on the news was the finding of Jaycee Dugard. I can't remember the exacts, but she is the girl who was kidnapped and held captive for approximately 18 years. (I can't remember the exact number.) She also birthed her kidnapper's children. I remember how shocked I was when I saw it on the news. I remember hearing about all the tips neighbors had sent in and police who "checked" the home. I was enraged at the fact that she could have easily been found if people who have taken better notice. I can imagine that her story is a tough one to learn about. I can also imagine how much of an amazing woman she probably is by surviving so many years of what I would consider a nightmare.
Thus, my next read is: A Stolen Life - A Memoir, by Jaycee Dugard.
I don't know what it is about me, but I love a true story, especially suspense. My most favorite movies are the true story lifetime movies. I don't know why, but knowing they are based on events that actually happened makes me so much more interested. I also follow stories on the news and when they are turned into movies, such as the Natalie Holloway and Amanda Knox stories. (Natalie Holloway is the teen who went missing in Aruba on her senior trip - she has yet to be found. Amanda Knox is the American student who was found guilty for murder while studying abroad. She was recently retried and found not guilty.) Stories like these, for whatever reason, intrigue me.
I am so used to reading to learn and reading nonfiction (true) books. Maybe this is why I like true stories. Maybe not. Either way, I like a true story.
Another story that I followed on the news was the finding of Jaycee Dugard. I can't remember the exacts, but she is the girl who was kidnapped and held captive for approximately 18 years. (I can't remember the exact number.) She also birthed her kidnapper's children. I remember how shocked I was when I saw it on the news. I remember hearing about all the tips neighbors had sent in and police who "checked" the home. I was enraged at the fact that she could have easily been found if people who have taken better notice. I can imagine that her story is a tough one to learn about. I can also imagine how much of an amazing woman she probably is by surviving so many years of what I would consider a nightmare.
Thus, my next read is: A Stolen Life - A Memoir, by Jaycee Dugard.
So much time, so little to do
I cannot believe how fast time is flying by. It seems like just a few weeks ago I got my first teaching job and was putting together a classroom. The school year is now halfway over.
I never understood what people meant when they said your first of teaching is like "trying not to drown." I now understand that saying.
I am now on my 2 week break from work. I so needed this break. Saturday was awesome, just what I needed. I watched lifetime movie after lifetime movie. Saturdays are usually my day to relax so that was no different than the usual week. However, Sundays are always my day to prepare for the week... wash mine and the kids' clothes, wash their school blankets and pillows, do my lessons for the week, etc. Sundays are always very busy as I prepare for the upcoming week. So, this Sunday was very different for me. I had a hard time dealing with having nothing to do. I didn't need to wash my clothes, I didn't need to do lesson plans.
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by having nothing to do because you are so used to having so much to do? That is how I have felt the past couple of days.
I never understood what people meant when they said your first of teaching is like "trying not to drown." I now understand that saying.
I am now on my 2 week break from work. I so needed this break. Saturday was awesome, just what I needed. I watched lifetime movie after lifetime movie. Saturdays are usually my day to relax so that was no different than the usual week. However, Sundays are always my day to prepare for the week... wash mine and the kids' clothes, wash their school blankets and pillows, do my lessons for the week, etc. Sundays are always very busy as I prepare for the upcoming week. So, this Sunday was very different for me. I had a hard time dealing with having nothing to do. I didn't need to wash my clothes, I didn't need to do lesson plans.
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by having nothing to do because you are so used to having so much to do? That is how I have felt the past couple of days.
Monday, November 7, 2011
"The Best of Me"
In the previous post, I told you I need more time for me, doing the things that I love. Honestly, I don't even really know what those things are.
I have never been on to read "for fun." I always admired people who did but never really understood. I have, for what I can remember, only read one book just because - "The Lovely Bones." I read this in high school I believe. (By the way, the book was better than the movie that came out a few years ago.)
Anyways.... The past few years I have read A LOT, but for educational purposes. I read books for school and books to help me with school. Never a book because I wanted to. I think this has happened for several reasons.
1. I don't have time. Read for fun - what is fun?? :) Definitely haven't had time for that.
2. I am so used to reading to learn. I can't remember the last time I read something without a highlighter and pen beside me.
3. Even if I wanted to purchase a book, I would have no idea where to even start. The bookstore and library is definitely overwhelming.
4. Reading is something that I believe needs to be fostered when children are young. I don't really remember ever reading when I was younger. In high school, we were assigned books - we never got to choose - and they always came along with assignments.
One thing that I really like about the school that I teach at is that we have D.E.A.R. time every day for 30 minutes. D.E.A.R. stands for Drop Everything And Read. This is a time where students get to read whatever book they choose, for fun. No assignments. No questions. Just enjoyable reading. If I had had that when I was younger, I may actually enjoy reading.
Lately I have yeared for quiet, relaxing time. Being with 8-9 year olds all day and then coming home to a 2 and 5 year old makes for a very busy and noisy day. The thought of reading has actually sounded really good.
Yesterday, when I was at Wal-Mart picking up a few organizational items, I decided to purchase a book. Wal-Mart does not have a very large selection but I actually liked that - it wasn't overwhelming for me. So, I decided to go to the Best Seller's section. I figured I couldn't go wrong there. If it was a Best Seller, it must be good, right? So, with much hesitation, I finally picked one....
"The Best of Me" by Nicholas Sparks.
I have heard of him but really know nothing about him. I have to start somewhere so apparantly this is where I am starting. I am oddly looking forward to reading, so I hope I am not disappointed. I am on chapter 3 and so far so good.
I have never been on to read "for fun." I always admired people who did but never really understood. I have, for what I can remember, only read one book just because - "The Lovely Bones." I read this in high school I believe. (By the way, the book was better than the movie that came out a few years ago.)
Anyways.... The past few years I have read A LOT, but for educational purposes. I read books for school and books to help me with school. Never a book because I wanted to. I think this has happened for several reasons.
1. I don't have time. Read for fun - what is fun?? :) Definitely haven't had time for that.
2. I am so used to reading to learn. I can't remember the last time I read something without a highlighter and pen beside me.
3. Even if I wanted to purchase a book, I would have no idea where to even start. The bookstore and library is definitely overwhelming.
4. Reading is something that I believe needs to be fostered when children are young. I don't really remember ever reading when I was younger. In high school, we were assigned books - we never got to choose - and they always came along with assignments.
One thing that I really like about the school that I teach at is that we have D.E.A.R. time every day for 30 minutes. D.E.A.R. stands for Drop Everything And Read. This is a time where students get to read whatever book they choose, for fun. No assignments. No questions. Just enjoyable reading. If I had had that when I was younger, I may actually enjoy reading.
Lately I have yeared for quiet, relaxing time. Being with 8-9 year olds all day and then coming home to a 2 and 5 year old makes for a very busy and noisy day. The thought of reading has actually sounded really good.
Yesterday, when I was at Wal-Mart picking up a few organizational items, I decided to purchase a book. Wal-Mart does not have a very large selection but I actually liked that - it wasn't overwhelming for me. So, I decided to go to the Best Seller's section. I figured I couldn't go wrong there. If it was a Best Seller, it must be good, right? So, with much hesitation, I finally picked one....
"The Best of Me" by Nicholas Sparks.
I have heard of him but really know nothing about him. I have to start somewhere so apparantly this is where I am starting. I am oddly looking forward to reading, so I hope I am not disappointed. I am on chapter 3 and so far so good.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
In Need of Balance
I never realized how difficult being a teacher would be. I was not prepared for the amount of time and preparation that goes into teaching. Statistics show that half of teachers quit within 5 years. I can definitely see why. Being a teacher is not an 8-5 job, especially when it is the first year. (However, I will NOT be a part of that statistic.)
Every day for me is a new day. I have to figure out what I am going to teach, how I am going to teach it, make sure I have all necessary papers made and copied. Then I have to figure out what I am going to take for a grade, grade it (I have 52 students) then figure out when I am going to test them, make sure they will be ready for their test, etc. I also have all of this at the start of the week. Lesson plans are due on Monday for the entire week. Then at the end of every day, I have to find the bottom of my desk because it is buried under papers, games, supplies, etc. from that day. I am exhausted just from writing all of that. Needless to say, I LOVE being a teacher but it is a very time consuming job, something that no one understands besides another teacher.
Lately, I have felt very overwhelmed from how much time I feel like I devote to school-work. After school, in the evenings at home, on the weekends, etc. I just haven't been able to find a balance. I have no time for me, let alone my family or friends.
This week starts the beginning of the 3rd 6 weeks. (I can't believe I have already gone through 2 grading periods!!) My goal for this 6 weeks is to get myself organized and find a balance and stop spending so much "overtime" on school work for free. I want to be able to exercise, cook dinner, play with the kids, clean, (Yes, I actually want to clean. Can you believe that!?) and spend time with my family and friends.
In finding this new balance, I am also hoping to blog more... so stay tuned!
Every day for me is a new day. I have to figure out what I am going to teach, how I am going to teach it, make sure I have all necessary papers made and copied. Then I have to figure out what I am going to take for a grade, grade it (I have 52 students) then figure out when I am going to test them, make sure they will be ready for their test, etc. I also have all of this at the start of the week. Lesson plans are due on Monday for the entire week. Then at the end of every day, I have to find the bottom of my desk because it is buried under papers, games, supplies, etc. from that day. I am exhausted just from writing all of that. Needless to say, I LOVE being a teacher but it is a very time consuming job, something that no one understands besides another teacher.
Lately, I have felt very overwhelmed from how much time I feel like I devote to school-work. After school, in the evenings at home, on the weekends, etc. I just haven't been able to find a balance. I have no time for me, let alone my family or friends.
This week starts the beginning of the 3rd 6 weeks. (I can't believe I have already gone through 2 grading periods!!) My goal for this 6 weeks is to get myself organized and find a balance and stop spending so much "overtime" on school work for free. I want to be able to exercise, cook dinner, play with the kids, clean, (Yes, I actually want to clean. Can you believe that!?) and spend time with my family and friends.
In finding this new balance, I am also hoping to blog more... so stay tuned!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
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